Pretty Absurd: A Collection of Funny Pretty Quotes About Modern Existence
These funny pretty quotes examine the strange, shallow, and occasionally chaotic ways we use that specific four-syllable descriptor to navigate our daily lives. From the vain to the hopelessly confused, these observations prove that being 'pretty'—or pretty much anything else—is often just a matter of perspective.
"Pretty humor works because it allows us to downplay our own disasters with a single, breezy adverb that acts as a linguistic safety net for our incompetence."
The Vain, The Vapid, and The Vaguely Uncomfortable
Sometimes the desire to be perceived as aesthetically pleasing collides violently with the reality of just trying to get through the Tuesday morning commute. These quotes highlight the high-stakes theater of vanity.
"I'm too pretty for this" is a very valid excuse, actually.
He had the nerve to call me pretty. I'm gorgeous.
A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.
Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.
Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?
I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.
I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.
I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.
Domestic Disasters and Parenting Puzzles
The home is where the heart is, but it is also where the logic goes to die. These quotes capture the specific madness of raising miniature humans and managing a household.
Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.
The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.
Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.
According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.
My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.
I'm pretty sure my husband's favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.
Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”
If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.
The Existential Dread of Being Pretty Much Anything
Sometimes we are all just floating through the cosmic void, trying to interpret the absurdity of history, science, and medical labels. This is for the thinkers who realize the absurdity of it all.
It's pretty apt that the 'i' is in the middle of 'hurricane'.
I'm pretty sure by now that we're some kind of satire channel on some other planet.
So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.
Pretty sure they’re naming prescription drugs by just grabbing random Scrabble tiles. "Oh hey, Qdilrox sounds good."
In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.
Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.
I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.
I'm doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.
Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.
The Pretty Truth
Whether you are feeling pretty good, pretty bad, or just pretty weird, these quotes serve as a reminder that linguistic qualifiers are the only thing holding our chaotic thoughts together. Keep being pretty, or don't—it doesn't seem to make much difference to the aliens.