50 Hilarious Quotes About Money That Will Make You Feel Richer (In Spirit)

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Hello, hi. Don't invite me anywhere until next year. The money is finished. Regards.

I get it, funds… I, too, am insufficient.

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

They said, "Enjoy your money because life is short." Now my money is finished, but I'm still alive.

Salary week, but salary weak.

Y'all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don't play with y'all too?

Getting sent money you didn't ask for is very sexy.

I love it when God gives me money.

I'm broke — I got money, but it's for responsibilities.

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go.

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money's worth.

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

My parents didn't raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

I travel like I'm rich, then eat like I'm broke.

I love spending my parents' money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

I don't get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can't trust us with a single pen.

The easiest diet is lack of money. You don't have to do anything.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

What part of "I need to save money" do I not understand?

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

I don't know what kind of sex makes y'all want a joint bank account, but I ain't had it yet.

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you're the one paying for them.

Apparently, I'm not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Whoever thinks money doesn't buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

I'm as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don't need any change.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

I'm so tired of not being a multimillionaire.