Paws, Claws, and Pure Chaos: 50 Cat Quotes That Perfectly Capture Our Feline Overlords

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

How dare you say I'm crazy on the eve of my cat's wedding?

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Training a cat is very easy. After a few days, you do what she wants.

My cat's in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Me, first week as a volunteer firefighter thinking we only rescue cats: We’re going where?

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don't need that kind of ego in the house.

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

God, on inventing the tiger: "Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes."

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend's birthday party for her cat.

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn't want to leave.

I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Japanese cats answering the phone be like, "Meowshi meowshi."

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

I'm lazy and chubby. I love food, naps, and coffee. I don't like Mondays, people, and exercise. I never thought I would grow up to be Garfield.

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat's problem is.

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.