Paper Cuts and Page Turners: Funny Book Quotes for the Bibliophobically Inclined
From the crushing guilt of an unread library to the peculiar pleasure of sniffing vintage pages, these funny book quotes capture the chaotic reality of loving literature in a world of endless scrolling. Whether you are a proud owner of a 'to-be-read' mountain or someone who thinks the dictionary is just a remix of every other story, these observations on the reading life are for you.
"We live in an age where buying a book and reading a book are two completely different hobbies, and frankly, I feel personally attacked by every single one of these observations."
The Professional Procrastinator's Library
There is a distinct art form to collecting books one has no immediate intention of reading. These quotes celebrate the majestic irony of the home library and the existential dread that accompanies a bookmark left untouched for six months.
There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.
Babe, are you OK? You've barely touched your unread books.
I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.
There's nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven't read.
Forget hot girl summer, it's rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).
Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.
I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.
Authors, Audacity, and Bad Advice
Writing a book is supposedly a noble pursuit, yet most of us seem to treat it like a fever dream we accidentally started. This chapter tackles the struggle of the blank page and the dubious wisdom found in the books we eventually manage to finish.
I'm writing a parenting book called 'Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did'.
Please don't buy my book on reverse psychology.
I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.
I'm writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I've been through a lot of drafts.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.
I'm thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I'm writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.
Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.
Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.
Public Reading and Other Social Crimes
Taking a book out into the wild is an act of supreme confidence—or a desperate cry for attention. Here we explore the delicate social contract between the reader, the public, and the unwanted conversationalists who insist on interrupting the plot.
There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.
Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?
Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.
If you're reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.
Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?
My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.
If you haven't felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.
The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.
My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.
Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.
The Final Chapter: Closing the Cover
Whether you are a literary snob or someone who uses their reading list as a decorative pillow, we hope these moments of bookish hilarity have lightened your load. Now, put the phone down, pick up that dusty hardcover, and at least pretend you're going to read it before the next decade passes.